Friday, August 31, 2012


Write on Edge prompt:  Write about a face to face meeting which, for better or for worse, doesn’t go as planned. I am not too sure about this one, but I'm tired, and distant family members are sending me pictures of Bigfoot.

Carolyn was waiting for Jason when he wandered into the cafe. He was late, and he had his head down, his phone in one hand, thumb flying over the letters.  Carolyn wrinkled her nose in disgust, impatient to have his attention and get this over with. She had heard the rumor about Jason breaking up with her, and she was going to be the destroyer, not the recipient.  Carolyn had been rehearsing in her mind all morning; Jason, this isn't working out.  As he meandered over to her table, Carolyn was irritated.  How had she had ever thought that this boorish behavior was 'fun'? 

"Would you put that damn phone down and look at me?" Carolyn hissed as he finally sat down.  Jason's head snapped up, his smile frozen, his blue eyes suddenly intensely focused on her.  He slowly placed the phone face down on the table.

"Is that better?"  His voice carried, a gentle wave, across the table.  Carolyn still loved that chocolate sort of voice.  She nodded, unsure of her own voice, and continued to stare at him.  He was so beautiful.  She would miss this, sitting in the cafe together, staring into those blue eyes.  A waiter came by and deposited menus without interrupting.

 Jason cleared his throat, leaning across the table to take her hand in his.   Carolyn shook her head and took a deep breath, ready to begin the end.

"Carolyn--," Jason blurted, gripping her hand.   "I love you. I have for some time."

"Jason, this--wait. What did you say?" Carolyn was was sure that she had misheard.  Her eyes were suddenly blurry with tears.

"I love you, Carolyn," he repeated.  "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."


"Will you marry me, Carolyn?"  Jason was on one knee before she realized it, and he was offering her a ring box.  All she had to do was reach out and take it.


  1. Well, that certainly didn't go as planned. Still, I wonder if it's wise for her to say yes, considering she was so ready to break up with him?

  2. Wow! Neat piece. Made me smile! :) Love how you said "chocolate sort of voice". Great and fresh description there.

  3. "to be the destroyer not the recipient." Isn't that what we all want, really? LOL. Who hasn't been in this situation (the first half of the scene at least).
    I love the way her perspective changes when he focuses his attention on her. Now that is an accurate portrayal of human nature. Though I can't help but wonder what else she is oblivious to in her life.

  4. Ah, yes. Nothing like that surprise question to get the blood pumping in one's ears. I love the chocolate reference to his voice. Perfect.

    You've got an extra "was" here: "Carolyn was was sure that she had misheard."

    My only suggestion would be to flip this from passive to active. Look at where your "was" and "had" are and see if you can restructure the sentences. Passive past tense isn't an evil thing, but the story can get bogged down in the extra words. Just something to keep in mind.

    Love this lighthearted piece. Well done!

  5. Aw. Certainly not the meeting she was expecting! Love when it's for the better!


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