Friday, May 25, 2012

WOE: The Queen Approaches

WOE prompt: use setting to deepen the development of your story.  You can use it to give insight into a character or a conflict or simply to evoke an emotional mood from your reader.


The clearing was in the deep of the forest, and it was unexpected, even with the GPS coordinates.  A sudden parting of trees, and Zenna found herself wide-eyed and surrounded by a coven of tall, ancient oak trees that stretched endlessly into the air. Their branches formed a canopy so thick that the dying sunlight barely penetrated.  Instead, a soft glow emanated from the bark of the majestic oaks, brightening with the darkness.  No insect or bird sounds seemed to penetrate the area around the circle of trees, and even the sounds of Zenna's breathing seemed to be muted.  There was a stillness to the air, as if the entire forest was waiting.  Darkness finally fell, and the air at the center of the clearing began to shimmer rhythmically.

Feeling the pulse of an immense power within her bones, Zenna bowed her head.  She did not enter the clearing.  Placing her backpack on the ground, she knelt to wait for the arrival of the Queen. 

25 comments:

  1. Oh Tina!!! Yes! This was so soft, quiet, the anticipation of waiting floated around me. I "heard" the silence and felt the cover of those trees. This was gorgeous my friend.

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  2. I love how mystical this feels - calm, yet pregnant with anticipation.

    One teensy, tiny little note: coven is the classifier for witches...perhaps you mean cluster? Unless you mean to personify/anthropomorphize the trees? But really, it's a lovely description!

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    1. I did indeed mean to anthropomorphize the trees! Thank you for noticing!

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  3. Does The Queen come?????? :) I wanna knoooooow.

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    1. Of course she comes, wearing a simply lovely hat, too! :-)

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  4. Great setting of the scene. Enjoyed this simple yet powerful line, "as if the entire forest was waiting" It worked because it let you know something bad is coming. Nice work.

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  5. Crap. I had it alll typed it, added my wordpress ID and it said >error. This is not you. Okay, so I'm someone else today, LOL. The gist of what I said was that you held me captive. My heart rate increased, I started holding my breathh...what great descriptions to build the suspence. LOVE it! (Sorry my bluetooth keyboard likes to double up on letters sometimes.)

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    1. My phone does the same thing. Thank you for the wonderful compliment!

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  6. I'll agree with everyone else, a very magical, breath halting piece. The anticipation is well done with tension building.

    Small critique: there are a few unnecessary words that could be cut to make it much stronger. For example in the first line: The clearing was in the deep of the forest, and it was unexpected, even with the GPS coordinates.

    You could cut out the "and it was" and I think it reads better: The clearing, deep in the forest, was unexpected even with GPS coordinates. Or something :)

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    1. You are right, of course! It does sound better that way. Thanks!

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  7. Well done! Your setting definitely helped set the mood. :-D

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  8. That kind of power can only be found in ancient trees, and so naturally a coven. Young trees just don't have the roots for it yet. Anticipation was captured and framed. This is how I feel in all old-growth greenery. Well played!

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    1. Thank you--I knew you would understand my trees!

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  9. I enjoy how you've shown the magic of the trees partially through the light, as the sun sets, the power of the trees lights the clearing. It's such a moment of stillness, yet you've described so much. Nice job!

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  10. I love that the forest is awaiting something important. Very well described setting. Does the big girl show?

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  11. Very nice. I loved how the scenery built up some suspense. Had me asking "What will happen in the middle of the clearing?'

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  12. Gorgeously described. I particularly like the use of the word coven to describe the trees. It added to the mystical feel of the piece.

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  13. Great description! You gave the entire thing an air of mystery and suspense perfect for what you've got hinted at next. I agree that there are a few works that probably could be cut but not that critical.

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I welcome comments, but reserve the right to correct your spelling because I am OCD about it!