Friday, April 20, 2012

Romance

Really, they were just eyebrows.  The eyebrows of my beloved, my husband, my sweetheart, were confounding me.  I could have gazed adoringly into those sky-blue eyes all day long...if it weren't for those eyebrows.  They haunted my dreams.  He would look completely different with new eyebrows, a little voice in the back of my head whispered.

I never noticed those stray hairs until after we'd been married a while, but once I saw them, I couldn't unsee them.  They were ten weeds on the face of perfection, perched on the No Man's Land above the nose, and they were driving me insane.  I resolved several times not to pay them any attention, but it was no use.  Those eyebrows were like a traffic accident; even with the best of intentions, my eyes would drift upward.  Eyebrow plucking is certainly not considered to be a manly art, unless said plucking is followed by the placement of a tattoo or a piercing.

They don't really cover stuff like this in the marriage manuals.  I was certain that I'd never heard any of my friends talking about male eyebrow plucking.  I recalled seeing men in barber shops with towels over their faces when I was growing up, but I could not recall a time when I'd ever seen a man in the barber shop getting his eyebrows plucked.  I wasn't about to call my dad to ask!

How could I approach this topic without ruffling any feathers?   I could take a lot of things, but getting the silent treatment at that time was a torture to be avoided.  I waffled and procrastinated for days, afraid that my topic would start an argument.  I could finally stand it no longer, and I had to say something.  I took a deep breath and made my request.

"What do you mean, you want to pluck my eyebrows?"   He was understandably nonplussed, but he was warily agreeable.  

He sat on the edge of the bathtub as I found my tweezers.   His breath fanned gently over my face as I leaned over for a better look.  I was suddenly nervous.  I'd never plucked anyone else's eyebrows before. What if I plucked too much?  What if his eyebrows ended up lopsided?  What if the tweezers fell out of my sweaty hands and punctured an eyeball and he had to wear an eyepatch?   Stop it, I told myself firmly.  I moved the trembling tweezers into position, grasped at a hair, and ripped the first offending hair out quickly.

"OWW!!!"   Larry leaped to his feet, his eye covered by his hands.  He angrily stepped to the mirror to survey the damage.  "ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME???"

"Don't be silly, sweetie," I giggled nervously,  "Your life insurance policy hasn't activated yet." 

We looked at each other, and started to laugh.   My nerves melted away as he sat back down so I could finish pulling those last nine hairs.



WOE Prompt: It’s time for a change in outward appearance, be it a character, yourself, or someone in your life. write about a makeover of your choice (hair, clothes, makeup, facial hair for the menfolk), fictional or memoir/creative non-fiction. Let’s think about how physical appearance changes can affect the inner landscape.  This is nonfiction, and likely stretches the definition of a makeover, but it's all I've got today. The brain does not run well on migraines and lack of sleep. 

22 comments:

  1. Call me wind because I am blown away by your post!

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  2. "His breath fanned gently over my face as I leaned over for a better look." This is a nice addition to the scene. It sets up the intimacy of the moment, which would otherwise have just been comic.

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    1. Thank you! I hesitated about keeping that sentence, but I am now glad that I kept it in there.

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  3. This was such a lovely piece, funny, endearing, sweet, and all revolving around eyebrows! Love it. Thanks for sharing. (:

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  4. LOL!! How funny! She only pulled one little hair and he acted as if it were the worst pain one could endure! I think that you did a great job with everything here!
    Marriage manual.... I think we could all use one of those from time to time.

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  5. I am laughing out loud! I love the honesty of your obsession and distraction. I agree with Shiftless Mommie about the added intimacy - great way of showing what a great relationship you have with your husband without having to spell it out.

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  6. OMG, I'm laughing because my husband has the bushiest eyebrows ever. I had to have that caterpillar broken into two before we got married.....

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  7. My "makeup artist/hairdo stylist" for my wedding asked me about three months before hand if I was going to bring the groom around for her to look at. She said "I want to make sure he doesn't have eyes that belong to the Marx brothers". (She wanted to be sure that my wedding pictures would be perfect) I laughed, and assured her that of all the curses that my groom suffers from, bad eyebrows weren't some of them.

    This was a delightful read this morning with my cuppajoe. Excellent post!

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  8. This was adorable. It would be such an awkward topic to bring up! I hope he's maintaining :)

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  9. My favorite part is the title of the post! Love it!

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  10. I like the way you used this little example to show the trust they both have in the marriage. And oh my, isn't it true that men don't seem to have the tolerance for this type of "pain"?

    He should feel lucky there are only nine hairs left to do!

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  11. You are my kindred spirit...you are!!! Plus John is bald so those hairs drive me even crazier. I pluck him once a month and while he whines and says bad words at me, he knows I am only doing it because I love him. ;)

    This was written so well and it flowed with ease...plus instead of fiction the memory of it was perfect. Your writing is one of my favorite parts of Fridays!

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  12. This is so funny! And your title is just perfect. Very well written. I think you've got a keeper there.

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  13. it is a good thing, my husband doesn't have many eyebrows, he can't stand for anyone to get near his eyes----funny stuff!

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  14. My husband's Russian barber trims his eyebrows so he 'doesn't look like Breshnev' which I think is hilarious. If she didn't do this, I would forever be looking at his eyebrows as you were your husband's -- it would become all about the eyebrows. Anyway -- I loved your piece. It was dear and funny.

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  15. There are so many things that my husband and I do that are so completely not in our wedding vows. But I hear ya on the eye brow thing. Luckily mine incorrectly lit the grill last week, and the fire ball that ensued took care of those pesky eyebrows for me.

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  16. My guy is Sicilian, so for me this would be a NEVER ENDING BATTLE. Not to mention an exercise in futility. I just don't have the energy.

    Larry is a good sport.

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  17. Such a funny and heart warming post! It was so easy to read and drew me in very quickly. I enjoyed eery word!

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  18. This is hilarious! And so true of married life. Yes, I do love you exactly as you are but allow me to make one little change ... Brilliant written. :)

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  19. That's not romance, that's true love right there.

    And the tender humor in your words is fantastic. The description of the brows in your opening paragraph is just great!

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