I have discovered, much to my chagrin, that the tactics used so successfully by the Dog Whisperer to corral wayward dogs, does NOT work on cats. They don't even wake up. It's kind of embarrassing that I just told you that. I'm supposed to be in charge of at least one sentient being in my own house, right? I don't think that it's fair that I'm putting food and water out daily, just so I can be ignored when I ask them to do something. Cats are like teenagers: they sleep 23 out of 24 hours a day, eat all your food, and pretend that you aren't there.
Zane is obsessed with bugs flying up his nose. Almost weekly, he will come running inside to tell me that a kamikaze bug has flown up his nose. We cannot convince him otherwise. I feel that we should take advantage of the opportunities presented by these mysterious nose-invading insects. Yesterday I told my son that the medicine in the nebulizer at the doctor's office was supposed to kill the bug and get it out of his nose. Hey, it got him to sit still for ten minutes with the mask on. Don't judge.
I was unreasonably angry when I heard that hippos kill people in Africa all the time. Hippos are vegetarians. Hippos will attack you kill you but they won't eat you. Lions will eat
you. Tigers will eat you. Bears will eat you. Even domestic cats and
dogs will eat you if they have no other options; meat is meat. Not hippos. They're vegetarians, as well as members of PETA. Hippos will just kill you. That whole Lion King circle of life thing? That goes out the window with hippos. You don't even get a freakin' montage! Someone killed by a hippo ought to at least get a montage.
The Animal Planet show Infested was on last night and I was too lazy to get up. They went on and on about brown recluse spiders. And ticks. And bedbugs. Now I am all itchy, dammit.
Kids like to repeat phrases and words that they love over and over and over. They also like their parents to join in. Zane has two current sentences/phrases that he wants us to repeat so he can giggle like a little madman. One is the phrase from that Geico commercial with the pig on the zipline. (I love that pig. I want to call him Wilbur.) I have to say "Pure. Adrenaline." in my best imitation of Jack Nicholson, and then I have to snort just like the pig, and then Zane laughs maniacally. The other sentence is from those advertisements for that show Finding Bigfoot. My husband has to say "I do think there's a SQUATCH in these woods!" and Zane falls over laughing. Throughout all of our antics, I can't shake the feeling that there's a camera stashed somewhere, recording us for Zane to use as blackmail material at a to-be-determined time in the future.