Monday, November 21, 2011

The A-List: The Smack-worthy

Last Monday I wrote about five famous guys with whom I would like to converse. I really enjoyed that list; it put me in my happy place for a few hours.

Today, however, I am in a crappy mood because I've had the ear worm from hell(Winter Wonderland!) for the last 24 hours. So this Monday I am going to discuss people whom I feel deserve a smack upside the head, because their brains need rebooting. Remember the scene in Moonstruck where Cher smacks Nicolas Cage and tells him to "snap out of it!"? That's what I mean by a smack. I often picture the hand of God dropping down from the heavens to give a smack to people who need it. (including myself sometimes, if I'm being honest) That visualization usually helps me get over my fit of pique. If I actually knew any of these people, I would be a good friend and tell them that they were being ridiculous/annoying/stupid. But this blog post will have to do.

Congress, as a group, makes the list. I am so fracking sick of hearing about how these idiots can't agree on anything. All of them seem to be so entrenched in their childishness and general obstreperousness that not a darn thing is getting done, even though our country is teetering on the edge of financial ruin. I am tired of the whiny-titty-baby routine, and they need to knock it off. The heart of democracy is not demanding that everyone do what YOU want. That is dictatorship. That is tyranny. The heart of democracy is compromise, everyone working TOGETHER. It's going to be hard enough to teach my child to cooperate with others when the idiots in Congress are all over the news having temper tantrums.

Adam Sandler made the list. Just because of his most recent movie,Jack and Jill. Since the movie Some Like It Hot, it has been the lazy screenwriter's habit to have either a guy dress up as a girl or a girl dress up and pretend to be a guy. It has to stop. Plus, it's like Adam Sandler is just phoning it in these days. It's as if he can't be bothered with actual scripts and just makes it up as he goes. I get insulted just thinking about it.

Kim Kardashian needs a smack. Like Paris Hilton, Kim is famous for being famous. That's it. She hasn't done a thing to deserve to be famous except be a circus side show. That's right. I went there. She hasn't invented a cure for cancer, or brokered world peace, or even saved a cat from a burning building. Just like people back in the day would pay good money to see Jo Jo the Dog-Faced Boy, people will pay to see 'famous' people act like idiots. But at least Jo Jo was interesting.

People who sue over stupid stuff deserve a huge smack. Just because the dry cleaners lost a pair of pants is no reason to sue anyone, for example. If they were your only pair of pants and you lost your job as a result of being pants-less, maybe. Why don't these whiners take a little responsibility for their own actions? I realize that this would mean that they would have to admit that they did something dumb, but the first step is to admit that you have a problem, right? A double smack to the lawyers who take these cases. They are taking advantage of the less than smart people who come to them for guidance in order to make a profit.

My husband asked that I put the entire NBA on the list. While players and owners squabble over who gets how many millions of dollars, nobody is paying the people who rely on basketball in order to live. All the ticket takers, the concession stand workers, the waitresses at the sports bars, the guy selling t-shirts, etc., are all out of work. If they haven't found another job, they can't make their rent, feed their children, or anything else. I don't see any lawyers on TV fighting for THOSE people to make money, and they actually need it.

I am already in a better mood, having gotten all that out. Is there anyone out there that you think is smack-worthy? Add them here!


  1. The whole contingent that consists of my visiting family who start arriving today. All 27 of them. Shoot Me Now.

  2. 1) "Remember the scene in Moonstruck where Cher smacks Nicolas Cage and tells him to "snap out of it!"?" NO, because I'm a MAN. Sheesh

    2) Smackworthy - Jerry Sandusky, UCDavis Campus Police, Occupy Anywhere, Local Municipalities rousting Occupy Anwhere

  3. ohhhh how I LOVE your "smack-worthy" list and the entire idea in general! I say you start a "smack-worthy" day once a week! :)

  4. Not sure what this says about me ... but I LOOOOVED this smack list more than the nice guy one!!! I'd love to smack blog spammers who leave comments like 'I've visited your blog so therefore you owe me' clearly without even having read my brilliant, witty posts!!!


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