Friday, October 28, 2011

Red Writing Hood: Victory

Prompt: Write a piece of fiction or creative non-fiction in which athleticism features prominently. I am definitely of the potato-shaped persuasion, but I am amazed every single day by kids who struggle to do activities that others take for granted. They are the true athletes; their battles are fought every single day, with no off season. This is fiction.

*clack*

*clack*

*clack*

Her feet fly over the ground of her mind, barely touching.

*clack*

The wind parts like a sea of tall grass as her strong legs propel her forward.

*clack*

Running is freedom, she has heard her mother say. So she runs.

*clack*

Her joy is boundless, her smile the sun, as she moves fleet-footed down the track.

*clack*

*clack*

Her arms are hurting where the steel of the crutches surround them.

*clack*

Her lungs feel ready to burst with her efforts to pull in enough oxygen.

*clack*

She sees the finish line. The crowd is there, waiting, cheering her on.

*clack*

In her mind, she runs past the finish line, her arms raised in victory.

Then she feels her legs collapse in their exhaustion. The crutches cannot help her stay upright. She falls. No matter; the crowd envelopes her in their elation.

Ten steps today. Tomorrow, the world.

12 comments:

  1. That last line? Powerful. Extremely powerful. This is a great take on the prompt. Leaves me wondering why she is on crutches and wanting to know more of this very courageous girl's story.

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  2. You always amaze and inspire me. This was one of my favorite pieces of yours, truly. I love how 10 steps were so much more, so much bigger...I could see her smile, her raised arms...feel her pride. This is going to have me smiling all weekend!

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  3. Great narrative, I really agree with this: "I am definitely of the potato-shaped persuasion, but I am amazed every single day by kids who struggle to do activities that others take for granted. They are the true athletes; their battles are fought every single day, with no off season".

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  4. There is a powerful message in your piece - and it is reinforced in the last line.
    I admire your character's perseverance and courage.

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  5. I love this post. The girl in your story is inspirational and determined and wonderful.

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  6. Again, I am shamed at my own ineptitude with this prompt. You've written something so wonderful and meaningful here. Great job!

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  7. Oh, I loved this. The 'clack' immediately caught my attention, since it didn't quite fit...and then it did. Love the last lines.

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  8. What a fabulous twist. I love how you made it about her imaginations of being more.

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  9. I like how you show your character's determination and spirit. Nice job!

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  10. This is so powerful. I love the way you use the syncopation of the crutches to bring us along with her.

    That last line is truly powerful, and the images between the clinks, just right.

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