Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Smacks Served Up: Work Edition

I really like this idea of ranting. Air out the dirty sheets in the sunshine, as it were. If it were up to me, I'd call it Smack You Upside The Head, er, Saturday. Yeah, I'm not so good at naming things. Bear with me, while I get a few things off of my chest here at the beginning of the school year.

A smack to parents who enroll their children in school without letting anyone know that they have special needs, "just to see if we'll notice". A special smack to those same parents who then pitch a fit when we aren't providing services for their child, because YOU DIDN'T TELL US. They did not cover mind reading in grad school, people! Not every special needs kid looks like they are special needs!

A smack to the person or persons who made over a hundred thousand copies of something on the xerox machine...using the special education copy code. You took money out of our budget that should have gone to the kids. That was pretty heinous. Now we have to fill out a piece of paper asking permission, and a secretary has to make copies for us. The cost of all that paper would have bought a whole lot of new supplies, maybe even a new wheelchair. If we catch you, you will lose a limb.

A double smack to the parent who put ELEVEN different wrong or disconnected phone numbers on the parent contact card for their special needs child when they registered for school. Even the freakin' school nurse didn't have any correct phone numbers! What the heck do you think we do--sell your personal information to bill collectors? (actually, that's not a bad--focus. Focus.) We want to talk about your CHILD, not YOU. I don't care if you're an axe murderer on parole, as long as you show up to the IEP meetings and provide the school with the CORRECT phone number.

A smack to the dozen or so people who only choose to talk to me when I am listening to something, like a tape recording of a student. They won't talk to me all day, not a word, but the SECOND that I put my headphones on or get on the phone, there you are, standing in front of my desk.

A smack to people who rush to my desk to ask me to do something, then stand there, waiting for me to do it. I could be buried under a mountain of paperwork, typing furiously, but they stand there and expect me to immediately drop everything that I am doing to meet their needs.

A smack to people who tell me a list of seven or eight things to do and expect me to remember all of them. I have repeatedly asked for anyone who wants me to remember something to put it in a email for a reason. I won't tell anyone this, but most days I don't even remember anyone's names.

Finally, a pox upon staff meetings. I hate sitting still for so long. I can't ever hear the person talking because there are fifteen different "whispered" conversations going on as well and my brain tries to hear them all. The woman next to me needs hearing aids and every five minutes or so she will say "WHAT?" very loudly and expect me to fill her in(while I am missing what is currently discussed). We will finish a topic and move onto the next one, and twenty minutes after that someone will bring up what we had discussed earlier. It is all just unbearable! And don't talk to me about the 'synergy' of meetings--this is education. We don't have the budget for freakin' 'synergy'! Everything worth mentioning at a meeting can be put into an email. That would be much easier on my sanity.

Okay, I feel better. Thanks for listening. Er, reading. You know what I mean.


  1. May I please add my own smack?

    A smack to the professor who wasted my summer by 'directing' my thesis (having me make several changes to it) and then yesterday telling me he can't direct it anymore because he hasn't read two of my primary texts! Now I have to waste another semester looking for a new director (my first director retired and my second director unexpectantly died last semester).

    Thank you. I feel much better.

  2. And a special smack to that same mom who was trying to see if her kid needed "extra help" in school for confiding in me telling me all about it and wondering if the would notice at school. Duuuuhh, what do you think? Thanks for wasting everyone's time and not fessing up with the truth.

    Whew, that feels good!

  3. Oh, very good. Very VERY good!! I'm betting that was therapeutic - so why not make 'smacks' a regular feature??

    We can all contribute ...

    A smack to parents who think school is a compulsory babysitter that will 'fix' all their kids problems, while they're as busy as hell undermining all the good school stuff at home ...


I welcome comments, but reserve the right to correct your spelling because I am OCD about it!